nihon

i must get back to tokyo next year. i'm not sure yet if it will be to visit or to live. too much has gone on there these last few months without me. i have to be back.

i miss it right now more than i ever imagined i could. i long to be folded into that anonymity; as tragic and romantic or bleak and meaningless as you want it to be. this has possibly never been as appealing.

as well... i'm worried for my friend there. we had a connection once. he's a good person... right now so lost. i knew he would have trouble when he realized what life was about. it was easy enough for him to pretend for a while that money, power, objects, status were above all else. but now he's lonely and scared and confused and i really don't know how to help from here. partially because i'm in a similar place. i guess though that at least i've been aware all along... i just want to touch him, and let him know it will all be ok. as ok as it's going to be, anyway. maybe there's little comfort in that.

i find it comforting.

i need to be in tokyo.