tell me when you hear my heart stop

you're the only one that knows...

so much has changed in the last few months. i feel like i'm a completely different person now.

for a while i felt so alive and had so much going on and my life seemed full and interesting and it seemed like i was so close to being that person again.

now i feel heavy and slow. clumsy. i'm overwhelmed and i'm drowning and no one's throwing me a rope but i doubt i'd reach for it anyway.

well. i guess there are ropes. just not the ones i wanted.

i know if i let it go for too long, i'll just have to climb out again... or really sink this time. and right at this second neither one of those options are particularly appealing. i'd rather sit and self destruct forever but it seems that's never an option.

i'm not sure why i let this happen. because i really, really did.