[ and nobody gives a damn either way. ]

no, seriously.

so today, my horoscope said this:

"the solar eclipse on the 11th will create a grand-cross configuration. the results will be a whipped-up state of affairs when things will go haywire. career changes are in the wind, personal changes too. you may benefit or lose through them."

the italicized part is taken from scorpio ... but mine told me that i should read scorpio and apply it to me[me me] so i did. obviously.

i don't know quite what to make of this!

life is hard. my life is hard. i'm confused right now. it feels like i'm climbing up this huge mountain in a series of plateaus. if that makes any sense. here is a plateau. maybe the 11th will be a spike? wtf, why did i even read that, and why am i wasting my time analyzing it. i don't really believe in any of that shit. or something.

this week was good, though! i was extremely productive at work. we had some serious drama around the office but i was able to stay out of it and for this, i am proud. i seem to be becoming closer with a couple of other people in the office, which is great, because i like it when people like me. i mean it is not like i want to be bffs with them or anything, but it is good to have people on your side.

i was going to go to wolf parade last night. i did not. what i did was also fun, but i wish i had have gone. a girl i know had an in to the after party and even invited me along [ which never happens, no one i know knows anyone, so i probably should have just gone ] but i did not really feel up to being that intensely social.

there is some party tonight, a friend of an ex-friend, i was invited as an after-after-thought. i doubt that i will go. i have some stuff i want to do around here [ aka. i don't feel like seeing d. and feeling bad about us no longer being friends even though i did nothing wrong and i don't know what his problem is or why he does not speak to me anymore ].

hmmm ... what else is new ...

i am so doing my head in over this 'stay v. go' issue coming up in january. i need to stfu and live in the moment. but. i hate being unprepared.

living in the moment tasks for today:

1. e-mail renée, for the love of christ.
1. clean apartment [ yeah yeah ... ]
1. finish putting that liner up on my wardrobe.
1. put something, anything, on the wall. literally anything. i think i have a cool idea though.
1. take pictures of my place! i keep promising my mother that i will do this. today i really will.
i'll post them here, too, you watch.
1. get to the gym at some point and upgrade my membership finally.

i'm worried for the 11th. i'll aim for excited instead.

p.s. pudding milk tea is ... basically unless you have some, you are dead to me.