it was my birthday yesterday.
now i'm 30 years old.
this year, some things have to change. i'm finally going to stop living for other people, because i've learned that other people don't care. "other people" just want you to be happy. well - or they're not important. i've missed out a lot in the last couple of years because i became really concerned with this again. that's just not how i want to live my life. it's time to start taking some chances. there will be some big changes, coming soon. i feel really energized and excited about this.
it's going to be a good year.
thank god i seem to be mostly over the r. debacle. snapped out of it. what a disaster. i won't go so far as to say that i think he's a bad person; he's not. he's just not someone i want in my life. he showed me so much disrespect and honestly, we just have to be done. at this point we can't even be friends. i didn't deserve to be treated that way and although i usually forgive quite easily (i'm not a grudge holder even though sometimes i wish i could be) i feel like in this situation i really was left with no choice but to cut off all contact. he doesn't deserve to have me in his life at all, in any capacity. so that's that, and now that i've made my decision and my position is clear, i feel like i can wash my hands of it and walk away.
when this first happened and i reacted so violently, i worried... have i actually made any progress at all? what about all that work i did this year? was all of that really going to be undone over some guy i thought i was in love with for five minutes?
and for a while it was; i backslid quite far.
but now that i've decided how i feel, regardless of how anyone else feels (for a change), and acted on it, everything seems to be falling back into place. i feel so much stronger and well connected to myself. i guess the foundation i have been building is stronger than i realized.
i have a good feeling about 2010. this is going to be my year.
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