up to here!

oooooooh it keeps getting worse.

last week was so bad.

i don't even know how to summarize it, i guess.

work = terrible. my anxiety about losing my job is through the roof, and i don't know how to calm it. plus, i'm not a fucking PA. nowhere in my interview for this position did we discuss me dealing with your cell phone bills or RSVPing to events for you. i would not have taken it.

i'm drinking so much right now ... i don't have my other favourite coping mechanism available to me anymore, so i've been just drunk so much of the time. not stupid drunk, just drunk enough to take the edge off so that i can sleep and like, not feel like i am going to have a heart attack at any given time. i suppose that this is less destructive than its predecessor but how am i to know?

i am super worried about my family and feel as though i made the wrong choice. we just found out that my mother has breast cancer and while i'm optimistic that she is going to be fine, it's a lot to go through. and i'm stuck here.

just generally feeling like a horrible person. assorted other reasons.

this sucks. i suck? not sure.